As I wrote the introduction to this blog I said that I wanted it to be something that was well-rounded. A collection that spoke of my journey, and would be a blessing to others. Well, there are parts of life that we must go through that aren’t always easy. Life hasn’t always been peaches in my experience either. Wouldn’t it be amazing if it was? But we have to think about the bigger picture. How would God speak to the hurting ones who don’t yet know Him? When you fight through life’s troubles you have a voice to speak into the lives of those who are struggling through their own journeys. I hate battle but I’m thankful for what it has done for me!
So…going through some old journal entries this morning, I ran across one that came from a tough point in my life. It was a time of confusion, disappointment, and loss. That journal entry took me back there and I thought someone might need some encouragement today. I pray God can take my victory and use it to push you through to yours…when the smoke clears (and it will) stand up, thank Him, dust yourself off and let Him use you to do the same!
A little back story. I grew up with a person very close to me that had one of the saddest , most unfair, disappointing childhood experiences you could imagine. I’ve tried to understand it. I’ve questioned God about it. I’ve wondered why things happen to innocent children that lay a foundation of destruction before them. I still don’t have the answers but that is exactly what his experiences did to him. I watched him drowning for 17 years. A slow desperate process until it overtook him.
He cried out to God…or what he knew of Him. His family and friends had failed him. The church had failed him. I had failed him. I wish I would have been in the word long enough to have the scripture to point him in the direction he needed. I didn’t. He didn’t need to beg for an answer Jesus had already given. He only needed to understand who God was and what He had done for him…he only needed to accept the healing that was already bought and paid for. I wish I had told him. I wish I had done more but I was still learning God…I had an introduction to the love and grace of Him but I did not yet KNOW Him or His ways. How I wish I could go back. Knowing then what I know now but I wasn’t prepared. I wasn’t ready. I was afraid.
Regret: To look back upon with a feeling of distress or loss; to feel sorrow or grief concerning; a wish something had not happened; remorseful sorrow; compunction.
I missed my appointment. I live with the regret of that. I could have…should have been a refuge to someone in desperate need of the only source that could have healed the deep wounds that gripped him. Instead I allowed ignorance and fear to keep my voice and became witness to the horrific cruelty of the enemy. Witness to someone drowning in despair. Desperately reaching for something to fix pain but never finding the true healer of it. He searched, came up empty, and gave up…and I watched the whole thing. Regret. It’s God’s grace that allows me to forgive myself and move forward. I’m so thankful for His comforting grace! Lesson learned. Don’t make the same mistakes I have.
Regret is something God had to walk me through in order to even be able to post about this tear in my heart. I will not allow myself to be in that position again…allowing fear that I don’t know enough to stop my voice. Knowing the word is a necessity if you live to know Him and make Him known. As Christians we have a duty to God’s people and laziness in the word is something we can not afford. We’re all guilty of it. It’s so easy to get complacent. To feel like someone else will be better suited to help. They’re not. God has called me and he’s called you. He needs US. Dust that bible off, get in the word, hold on to them and when the appointment comes (and it will) pass those life giving words on! Lives are depending on US! Will you be available when God calls on you to love His people and spur them on in the battle? I know I will! Watch Him love them through the battle and rejoice with them as they approach victory! It will be life giving to you as well as them. Be loved and love well friends!