I recently gave a teaser as to why I started a blog. I’m not the brave type. I would rather not throw myself out for the wolves to devour. I can be content writing my little journals that Jesus and I enjoy together but last week God called me to step out. With a reluctant but very corrected heart I jumped in. This is the story as to how I began to write this little blog…
I could give it a shot I guess but I tend to be more of a rather not fall on my face in public and fail kinda gal…lol
This is the text I sent as a response to an invitation to utilize a writing ability that I hadn’t even realized I had been given. Other people tend to see our gifts where we often focus on our short comings. This is a fault I think most of us struggle with at some time in our lives. Why is it always so difficult to hear God’s voice screaming in your heart over the one the devil whispers in your head?
God’s voice drowned out the devil’s whimpers this weekend at a wedding my family and I attended. As the wedding was just starting someone yelled out. I didn’t think much about it. Probably a little one not wanting to sit still. A few moments later the person yelled out again…And again. I turned to see what was going on and noticed a sweet little girl in a wheelchair. She seemed to have pretty severe cerebral palsy and an understanding of what was going on came to me. As the wedding ended and the reception began we made our way to tables. We sat enjoying conversations with family and friends we hadn’t seen in a long time and the big announcement was made that the dance floor was opening up. It was time to celebrate with the newly married couple. My daughter wanted so badly to go out and dance but she wouldn’t go alone. She asked me to join her in one of the popular dances but I didn’t know the moves so I declined. She asked her Grandma who laughed and politely declined the request. God whispered. “Who cares if you know the moves just go”. No. No…I can’t do that. I giggled and quickly dismissed His urging. I told her to go for it. Everyone will welcome you in. She wouldn’t go alone and she sat watching. Eyeing everyone with a look of disappointment on her face. The song ended and she told me she regretted not going out. Regret. A six letter word I know very well. I continued to fellowship but all the while catching glimpses of her from the corner of my eye. My Aunt suddenly caught my attention and pointed out a woman on the dance floor giving it all she had, though not quite in timing, but having a great time. She’s deaf she informed me. Again, God spoke. “It doesn’t have to look perfect. It’s about enjoying life and letting go. Get out there”. No. No…my husband isn’t here and I would feel awkward jumping out there without him. You hypocrite. I shook my head and laughed at myself. Telling your daughter to jump in. Everyone will welcome you. Go have fun, let go and be you for a change. All the things God is at this point nearly shouting at me. This time I listened to Him. This time I looked. I looked with an open heart to hear Him clearly. I looked at the dance floor. The people having a great time. Everyone laughing. I looked beyond the dance floor. I saw all the children spinning. I looked at my son who at this point is red faced, soaked in sweat, having the time of his little life jumping and chasing kids he’s never even met. Not one hindrance. Not one reservation. He’s just him. Sweet, innocent, loving, blessing that he is. Free. I had to laugh. I thought to myself “Oh to be that free”. I saw my Aunt. She had left the table as my conversation had turned to God and she was dancing freely in all her glory as well. Everyone laughing and cheering as she moved. As my eyes went from one side of the floor to the other my heart was overwhelmed. I hadn’t danced in years. Not even at my own wedding but what I saw made my heart leap and dance inside my chest.
That sweet little girl who had yelled out earlier and caught my attention had crawled down from her wheelchair, drug herself out onto the dance floor and was spinning as quickly as her little arms could twirl her body. She can’t physically walk but she danced freely and as beautifully as I have ever seen! My heart smiled! The kind of smile I just know God has when He sees His kids happy! Tears filled my eyes as God said “There. See that? That’s what I mean. I want you to live. I want you to be free. Be you! I made you perfect. Stop wondering if you are. I made you free. Stop living like you’re bound. I made you YOU and I love me some you”! I walked out of that wedding with a new lease on life. It’s a dance that’s too short to live hindered and too big to sit out! Don’t leave in regret. We may not always dance easily to every song but dance! My mind was made up to give this writing venture a shot. It may not be perfect but who cares if it’s messy! One thing’s for sure I was privileged to share in the experience of a God heart smile and I sure do hope I put the biggest heart smile on my Daddy God. Perfect or not. Live life to the fullest. He adores when you are YOU, He loves it when you are happy, and His heart smiles when you dance!